Frequently Asked Questions

Think of the choice between the two processes as being like the choice you make in a
food line: Do I want to buy the whole meal, or purchase items a la carte?

The “whole meal” of Collaborative Law includes two attorneys, a financial professional,
a divorce coach, and perhaps a child specialist. You have all of their services available
at once and in coordination.

Mediation, on the other hand, usually starts with just the mediator. Additional
professionals may be brought in along the way as needed (like the a la carte additional
dish) – consulting attorneys primarily, but sometimes others as well. There will be lower
costs initially, but as more professional services are sought, costs will go up. Newly
hired professionals will need to be brought up to speed on your situation, as they will
have missed some of the early conversations.

So, you might ask, “how much support do we need?” If your situation is complicated,
going with Collaborative Law might be more effective and efficient, as your whole team
will start working for you from the beginning.

The first step is for you and your spouse or partner to hire lawyers who are trained in Collaborative Law. Sometimes one or both of you has an initial conversation with one lawyer, who then recommends others. A good place to find lawyers to contact are the websites of King County Collaborative Law and Collaborative Professionals of Washington.

Your lawyers will refer you to the other team members, the financial specialist, the divorce coach, and sometimes a child specialist.

It depends on the complexity of your situation. How complicated are your finances? Do you need to get appraisals of assets like real estate or fine art? Do you need a valuation of a business or a pension? Do you have two incomes, or just one? Do you have budgets, or do you need to prepare them? Pulling together all of the information sometimes takes time.

Do you have children? When there are kids involved, working out a residential schedule and making other decisions that will be reflected in your parenting plan also will take time. These discussions will happen primarily with your coach, which means having a series of meetings with the three of you in addition to the full-team financial meetings.

Another big variable is whether you two are ready — or can get ready relatively quickly — to make agreements. Sometimes people need time to process all the changes, and they’re just not emotionally ready to move to agreements. Sometimes one client wants a speedy process, and the other needs to go more slowly. Managing the pace of the process so that both of you get your needs met as much as possible is part of the job of the professional team.

If you have been served papers by your spouse (or his or her lawyer), then it’s unlikely this will be a Collaborative Law case. You should consult with a lawyer whose practice includes litigation, as you may need someone to represent you in court.

My spouse has handled all the finances and understands them much better than I do. I don’t know what to ask for. Can I still do Collaborative Law?

Yes. You will learn all about your finances. All financial information will be shared with everyone on the team. If you need extra time with your lawyer or with the financial specialist to understand it fully, you will have that opportunity. You may be used to deferring to your spouse on financial matters. The professional team will make sure that you can make these divorce-related financial decisions for yourself.

My spouse and I can barely talk to each other. I can’t imagineus collaborating on anything. Is Collaborative Law even an option?

Yes. There’s no requirement that you’re able to collaborate — or even communicate — on your own. It’s the job of the professional team to structure and facilitate discussions so that you can make progress. People usually come to this process with a lot of feelings — grief, anger, impatience, frustration, distrust, defensiveness, fear — that make everyday interactions really difficult. Every member of your professional team has experience guiding people through this process who would never be able to work things out by themselves.

My spouse is:

[ ] drinking too much

[ ] on drugs

[ ] scaring the children

[ ] threatening me

Can we do Collaborative Law?

Maybe. The question here is whether your spouse can be self-reflective, accept responsibility for hurting others, and really work to change behaviors. People who have abused alcohol or drugs, but who are actively in recovery, can do well in Collaborative Law. So can people who are open to learning better ways of managing their anger. Is your spouse ready to accept professional guidance? Is there humility? Accountability? If not, Collaborative Law is probably not going to work. But if yes, then Collaborative Law might be your best option. The professional team can help you create a safety plan and begin healing, for everyone in the family.